Not like tofu

One of my friends once said of her past relationships, "I was like tofu. I could take on whatever flavor I was around."

I was like that for a bit too. I wanted so badly to be in a relationship. I wanted to be with some "body". It was almost as if I didn't care who was next to me as long as there was just a body next to me. At some point during my re-entry to dating I realized I too was not so different from my friend. In fact, maybe her telling me this was her way of pointing out our similarities. She is happily remarried and fully her own self now.

My daughter had an accident a little over a month ago. I stood alone at the ER. I alone held my daughter as she was put to sleep and had to be restrained by four grown adults. I alone held my writhing daughter as the anesthesia wore off and she cried from confusion and shear pain from her surgery. I was in shock on many levels but as it wore off I remember having a conversation with a friend and saying, "I don't need any "body". I don't want to be with some "body". " I finally realized my own strength and will power not only as a mother but as a woman. Too often women and maybe men (although I am not privy to their conversations), women tend to speak like we need a man. I own my own home. I own my own business. I cook, I clean, and most importantly I am a pretty good mother. My daughter's accident was a turning point in my life. It finally clicked how truly blessed I was and how truly blessed someone else would be to share in my life.

The irony is that it was right before my daughter's accident that I had gone out with Artist for the first time. I got the feeling that he was not that into me and therefore I remember just kind of letting the ball drop with regards to getting back in touch with him. It wasn't until I saw him at a dinner party and he invited me to lunch that I realized there was more there.

After spending two consecutive amazing weekends with him and relishing in being myself. My true self. Not only that but my parents and daughter being a witness to it and saying that they had missed me. I have decided to take a break from writing about my personal dating life for the time being. I want to be able to truly enjoy myself without thinking about how I could turn a situation into a blog. I just want to live it.

So I am sure I will continue to be back here writing about aspects of dating but I am not sure what direction this will be heading.... the flavor is definitely changing.... maybe like tofu.