Side dish? I don't think so

Lately, it seems I am choosing to make life difficult. This time I am at least aware of the thin line I walk. My pony, aka baby face, or trainer is taking a larger role than I had originally anticipated.

Sure he is everything I hoped for a reminder that I am not that old, that being a mom doesn't mean I can't still be fun, and last but not least this body can still compete with the 20 year olds. However, he unexpectly is showing signs of maturity and I think likes me for completely different reasons. He is curious as to who I am, what I think about, life, the journey; I mean he is showing signs of potential. God help me I think I am starting to like him.

But and I do mean BUT the issues I may have brushed over are a little larger than I may have even admitted to myself. He has a girlfriend. A live-in girlfriend. His heart is still with this woman in some way. Not that it wasn't already obvious when he brought over leftover crab cakes from his Valentines with her; however, I am not leftover material. Nor am I the type of woman who values a man or myself that would walk this thin line. I mean its one thing to go out with a pony but with a rider already?

So what am I doing? Am I losing sight of all the horses by hiding in some stall while he lives his real life with someone else? Or is fun and silly and going nowhere what I need? Maybe this should be the manual for all daters. Date someone who is unavailable and you know can't possibly work out and it takes out all the head drama and all you're left with is living in the moment enjoying the pleasure for what it is and not worrying about what it will be.

All of that being said... left overs or side dish? I think not. If there is one thing I am realizing through this blog is that I am way better than that...

I want to be the main and only course.