And They're Off

So my pony race was over before it began and I have to admit I am thankful that I didn't get too involved. I knew from the beginning I was trotting down the wrong path and luckily I was thrown off before it was too late.

Pony was supposed to come over for dinner on Wednesday night and he texted me to let me know that he wasn't going to come after all. He was still in love with his girlfriend. Oh and by the way he broke up with his girlfriend between my last post and this post... So what is that a whole 3 or so days. I am sure he has no trouble committing either to a decision or a woman - ha!

I have thought a lot about my role and I read a quote it said "I would rather have guilt than regret." It really rang true for me. There was this part of me that wanted to explore a path with the Pony. He was young, vibrant, active, and smitten. He was looking for something he had never had before and I was like the forbidden fruit. Although, I came in a very odd package for a man of 26 years - a single mom, 5 years older.

I was married already at 26 and talking about having a baby with my wasband. I remember thinking all of the same things as Pony. That I had found my love, even though I was constantly recognizing and enjoying connections with other men. I was never brave enough to walk away. I was never aware enough to realize that just because you don't know any different doesn't mean it is the right thing. I am thankful for my daughter and therefore my decision to stay with my wasband but never again will I make the same mistake. If that means I choose uncertainty over secure and comfortable, so be it.

I hope that Pony has found his soul mate. I hope that Pony is happy. It's what we all want. I am not even close to being mad at him. In fact, I am thankful for what he gave me. A tighter leaner body and more confidence than I had before I met him.

Osho wrote, "The more alive the person, the more problems there are. But there is nothing wrong in it because struggling with problems, fighting with the challenge is how you grow." Here I am on my own, still, but I stand tall. I am not sad or forlorn. I am happy and hopeful. I will not compromise my values again. Lesson learned. Thank you Pony.