The past does not hold us... we hold it.
Pony is so lost. Many of friends who have weighed in have had a similar experience at some point in their lives. We have all been in his shoes. Paralyzed with fear. We feel like we can't move forward so we just do nothing. Unfortunately, by doing nothing there is something that happens and life starts to pass us by. Instead of fear of what will happen, we will have to accept that we are getting less than what we settled for.
Pony and I have been in contact while he was away. After reading some of his journal writings he emailed me I was touched by the words and impressed with his writing, but I realized that I was still enabling him to have an emotional affair. I pointed it out and he agreed. He said he thought that I didn't want to walk away because he knows I don't want to miss out on the possibility. He's right. I don't want to walk away because there is a part of me that wants to believe that there is something real, something worthy of my time. I can't say he has all the qualities I normally look for and yet I still stick around. There is something different about him. Our connection is easy, organic, and very real. However, if I don't let go than I can't move forward either.
Pony's decision is important but I can't wait for it and I shouldn't. I know that having a friendship with him is enough for now. If by chance he comes around and I am still interested then it was meant to be.
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." - Herman Hesse
Sweetheart, You are so strong. You are right, let it go. If it's meant to be it will come back. He's not in the right place. You are so smart. You are so worthy of someone who is.
ReplyDeletelove you.